


five cities, two idiots

by Valhella



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Getting Together, Kidnapping, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valhella/pseuds/Valhella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The globetrotting adventures of Eggsy and Roxy after a Serbian crime lord; and the cuddling, kidnappings, and repercussions in between.</p>
            </blockquote>





	five cities, two idiots

**Author's Note:**

> I am, quite frankly, so upset that there isn't a lot of fic for them out there, and I thought I'd contribute to solving the problem.
> 
> Here, have some fluff; some angst; some whatever this is.

They're in Moscow two months after Valentine's failed attempt to wipe off most the human population - give or take. Merlin assigns them to track down some Serbian wanker named Kovac - a Hans Gruber type with over 100 confirmed kills, ties to over 20 mafias, and the head of sex slave-operating ring - _both Eggsy and Roxy simultaneously shudder_ \- that distributes from various parts of the world.

They're shooting on what feels like a set of a Michael Bay film. The suit he wore is now ripped, a giant scar right across the front ( _"Wicked_ ," he says. _"That's gonna need stitches_ ," Roxy says, because she can't let him have _anything_ ). They arrived in a limo with aliases he can't bother to remember.

It actually starts off really boring. The champagne's rank (but thankfully not roofied) and everybody has a stick up their arse. He wants to get drunk but Roxy says that will "give away their position". Then when nobody's looking, Eggsy shoots one of his amnesia darts into one of the lowlife's necks, stuffs him in a broom cupboard and heads straight for the back.

"Galahad? Are you there? Tell me what you see," Roxy mutters into her mic.

"Something straight out of a Liam Neeson film," he says, feeling his face wrinkling in disgust. About twenty girls are lead back in, clad in nothing but bikinis. "Lancelot, we've got to shoot this fucker on sight."

"As much as I'd love to be the one who drives a bullet through his skull, we've got to take him into custody. Kingsman policy, love."

Then things escalate. _Quickly_. Somebody taps his back and sputters some Russian - probably something like _What the fuck are you doing here?_ \- and in a brief scuffle that ends in a giant slice right across his front, he doesn't knock him out hard enough, because the fucker manages to chase him right back into where the party is, bloody suit and everything.

And guns are out, and everybody else who isn't in on the whole thing is running for the exit.

Roxy looks the same she did when they arrived - a lilac dress with that signature slit he remembers seeing on Jessica Rabbit in reruns of _Who Framed Roger Rabbit._ Well, Jessica Rabbit with a machine gun.

"This is going to go down as the shittiest mission ever," he yells over gunfire. They're shooting at Russians right after they've done the bit where they reload their guns behind a conveniently knocked over table. But when there's close to five dead Russians at their feet, Kovac's nowhere to be found.

"Fuck," Roxy breathes. "Kovac got away."

They can practically hear Merlin's disappointment on the other end. He doesn't need to yell " _Fuck_!" and make both of them jump out of their skin. "Stay where you are, Lancelot. I'm coming your way."

There's a silence right before their jet lands.

"He's been after Kovac for 12 years," Roxy says.

"Guess he's gonna have to wait 12 more, innit?"

\---

Then, they're in Beijing. Roxy's sulky because Kovac's slick and has them practically globetrotting, but Eggsy's happy because he's never really left the country, save that drunk escapade that happened once - _once_ \- where he woke up in Cardiff. And now he's been to two different continents in the span of a week.

"Cheer up, love," he says on the plane ride there.

"When I can drive an icepick through this wanker's eye, Eggsy. Then. Then I will."

\---

Beijing is a bust; they have to bolt when Roxy notices one of Kovac's men in the lobby of the hotel, but she's a bit too late when the cocksucker bags her while she's having a smoke. And after a bumpy car ride, her guns are suddenly out of reach and she's got a head wound that's making it hard to see out of her right eye. She's in an abandoned warehouse, _of course_. And there's plywood and drywall everywhere.

"Think you killed everyone in Moscow? Think you and your little boy toy would get off scot-free?" He grabs a handful of her hair.

"I have no idea what the fuck you're on about."

The grip in her hair tightens. "I don't forget a face. Especially not a pretty little one like yours. Tell me, why China?"

She figures a nonchalant shrug is the best way to piss off this man. "I don't know. Why don't you ask your boss why he likes selling girls like sex toys?"

He smashes his hand right into the plywood right be her head, but she refuses to let any sound leave her mouth. "Pity," he says, tracing his knife around her jawline. "I don't like looking at pretty corpses."

"Makes two of us, mate."

And Eggsy's there, because _thank god for Merlin's tracking software_ ; and he smashes the guy's face in, first with his fist, then through the plywood, freeing Roxy to grab the fallen pistol. He's yelling profanity, and a whole lot of it with every new punch till there's blood and teeth on the floor, and he's panting over the arsehole's body, and Roxy's still slid against the wall.

Then he turns around, blood dripping from his nose and on his shirt, and gestures to the pistol.

Roxy stands and presses it to his abdomen. "We can leave the country in the next hour."

"So he can tell Kovac and have them on us till we're back in London," Eggsy says. "He walks, this goes to shit."

He lifts his pistol. "Kingsman policy, love." It's a single shot, and it hits him clear through the temple, even through a shaky hand.

In the next five minutes, he's in a sack at the bottom of the Hai river.

\---

Merlin says they need to stay in the same suite so it's easier to take down any of Kovac's men if, by any godforsaken chance, they find out what hotel they're staying at. Eggsy thinks he's just fucking about and protests; not 'cause he doesn't want to room with Roxy, because he actually wouldn't mind, he just wasn't sure if Roxy wanted to.

But after the business by the river, when Roxy's in a bathrobe and Eggsy's pressing a bag of ice to her forehead, Eggsy starts to agree with Merlin. The cheeky bastard.

"I kill people for a living," she says flatly. "I can't even handle a bloody head wound."

"First time for everything," Eggsy says. "It happens. First time I nearly shat my pants. When I was at Valentine's, and they were closing in on me right before Merlin blew up everybody's heads, I started thinking of everything, you know? Mum. Daisy. Harry. _Fuckin' J.B._ You're tough, Rox. You're a fighter. Don't let anybody tell you you ain't, otherwise I'll mash 'em up."

She smiles at him, and when he starts taking off his shoes on the couch, says "Stay with me?"

And they lie together in (what Merlin disbelieves) a completely nonsexual manner; hell, they're not even spooning. But Roxy's head's on his bicep because she likes the familiar touch, and Eggsy spends the rest of the night trying not to move.

\---

They're lying in bed side by side in Istanbul. It's all still part of the Kovac pursuit and this time they've got to pretend to be a honeymooning couple(Mr and Mrs Bristow, Roxy so enthusiastically suggests in an ode to _Alias_ that Eggsy can't understand. " _Alias_? No? It ran for five years?" she explains, doing awkward hand-gun gestures before Eggsy just sighs and continues packing his bag).

Nobody's sleeping, but they lie there, eyes closed.

"What's your favourite brand of chocolate?" he pipes, as if they aren't hunting down an international Serbian crime lord.

She wants to hit him in the face with a pillow. "It is 3 am."

"Perfect time to ask, then."

He thinks she's gonna say some shit Belgian brand with a name he can't pronounce. "Hersheys. You?"

"Toblerone."

Then he does a quickfire:

"Bands?"

"Radiohead," she admits.

"Books?"

" _The Da Vinci Code_."

"Films?"

" _Wall-e_."

He scrunches his nose in thought. "Planet?"

"Christ, Eggsy."

"You've got to have a favourite," he prods. "Don't say Earth. That's boring. Count Pluto if you want - it orbits the sun. It's a planet, fuck them wizards at NASA."

"Oh, I don't know. Venus."

"Don't just pick one."

"How the fuck do you pick a favorite planet?"

"They all look different."

"I can't say Earth? The only place that can support human life?"

"They’ve found water on _Mars_ -"

"Bollocks-"

And that's how they have an argument about the solar system at three in the morning, completely sober.

\---

What's a super spy pursuit of an international criminal mastermind without stopping in the Big Apple?

At least that's what Eggsy says when they land in New York City _("Big Apple, innit? Ain't that what they call it? City that Never Sleeps?"_ _)_ , and despite his genuine excitement to actually tour the city, he's already picked a fight with a pedestrian for "quite purposefully" bumping into him in Times Square and a taxi driver for yelling at him when the light was clearly red. The pedestrian tells him to "fuck off back to Hogwarts" and the driver calls him Queen Elizabeth during their glorious exchange.

Roxy needs a drink; maybe two. She thinks this could be the last of what she has now branded this mission as _The Amazing Race_ , because New York City is the mafia capital of the world and most likely where Kovac's operating from.

But they can't spend the entire day rowing with New Yorkers, so Roxy suggests sightseeing. She's been to New York before; hell, she's traveled more than twenty countries before this damn mission, but Eggsy's trying (and failing) not to throw up from the excitement. So they go to the Liberty island to see the Statue of Liberty, which is a first for her as it is for him.

"So, what, this is where them yanks threw our tea in?" he says.

"Er, no. You're thinking of Boston."

\---

New York (unsurprisingly) is the most dangerous of their cities thus far. But it is the most eventful, Roxy will reluctantly give Merlin _that._

Eggsy can't help her through this one. He can't even talk to her side by side with Merlin because he's in the trunk of the silver car she's chasing, all profanity drowned out by the sound of New York rush hour. Her perfect plan is to shoot out the tires once they're in the clear and out of view of already suspecting police officers (she's probably going at 100 mph), but then what? It'd be easy for the car to crash, and at this point she's ready and willing to see Kovac's face shy of a few teeth if it weren't for the kicking and screaming, er - _passenger_ in the trunk.

It happens really quickly, and the way it does really pisses her off. Because one second, she and Eggsy are sipping away at some indie not-Starbucks coffee shop, and then it takes him more than fifteen minutes to take a piss, and then the barista says she never saw anyone go in in the first place, and then Merlin says that he _can_ get a hold of Eggsy's mic but it's really dodgy, and then he tracks it all the way to fifth avenue - then sixth - then, for fuck's sake, _seventh_ \- and Roxy realizes, oh _fuck._

Now she's on a motorbike she practically stole from a tattoo-ridden gentleman, looking out of place as a 5'4 English girl zooming on a sport touring.

"Lancelot, can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, Merlin."

"Looks like they've discovered our little secret."

"Can't drop a body in a river without repercussions, it seems."

"We can't risk a public confrontation, do you hear me? That car is your new best friend. Follow it, keep a close eye on it. Do _not_ lose sight of that car."

"Are you taking the piss?"

"Unfortunately not. Now get moving."

\---

They lead her to a warehouse, and Roxy swears she blacks out from how hard she rolls her eyes. _How predictable._

What she _wants_ to do is barge in, shoot Kovac in the face and drag Eggsy out by his ears, but what she _has_ to do is wait for backup impatiently on a rooftop in a dingy building adjacent to the warehouse.

Merlin's translating the Serbian _._ Then he's unnaturally silent.

"Merlin? Fuck, what is it?"

She hears him typing away. "Well," he sighs. "If these translations are correct - _"Leave his face so they recognize him when we send what's left back to London"_ \- I'd say, time to tap in."

Frankly, Roxy's upset that Eggsy's not even around to witness the breathless "fuck it" that escapes her right before she zooms down to the warehouse via a series of tangled telephone wires. At least he gets to witness her amazing break-in, where she manages to shoot about six of Kovac's men from the ceiling before she's forced to jump down and shoot three more. Then everything's quiet, brains and bullets everywhere, and she can't even hear Merlin speaking into her ear.

"I'd clap, quite honestly, but, well," says Eggsy, who's arms are behind his head and handcuffed to a rusty pipe.

Merlin finally chimes in. "Job well done, Lancelot. Now, I've just been graciously informed that Kovac is on his way. So, if you'll do the honors."

Roxy turns to Eggsy. "I can imagine it's not enjoyable to be shoved into a trunk by a bunch of Serbian idiots and driven halfway through New York City."

"Eh," Eggsy says. "You need this more than I do."

It's ten minutes before Kovac arrives, and Roxy would so happily take a picture of his reaction with her phone if she even had it on her, and Eggsy's laughing like a loon when Kovac starts sputtering in Serbian when she sticks her gun right at his forehead.

\---

Roxy has no idea where they are now; thirty, forty thousand feet above the ground headed for London headquarters. It's just like it was in Beijing and Istanbul; they're lying in bed, side by side, fully clothed, her head on his bicep.

He's the first to speak: "Did all of that shit just happen? Or was that just some shared fever dream?"

"The latter," she says.

"Ideally, and if this were some shit rom-com, I'd say I'm sort of glad it happened because it got us together."

"I'd say this is the worst week and a half I have ever had in my life. Quite literally. I have seen no other hell that even comes close to this. "

"Agreed."

It's no Garry Marshall film, and Eggsy's not proclaiming that he's doing something he should have done "a long time ago" before kissing her, but it would be a complete lie to say they haven't grown closer. Certain situations call for it, they agree. Sometimes, _yes_ , in the form of a runaway Serbian crime lord.

But they sit in silence, awake and alert, unable to drift into sleep. It's seems like a million years before it happens, but he finally gets a taste of her; and she finally gets a taste of him.

\---

Kovac's capture most certainly does not result in the following:

a.) a celebration at Kingsman London Headquarters, strippers present;

b.) Merlin doing his own (terrible) rendition of the _Skye Boat Song_ , with two other Kingsman agents joining in, despite neither of them actually being Scottish;

c.) Eggsy and Roxy somehow escaping the festivities in the form of a file room, which they mutually admit is not the most romantic getaway; but Eggsy quite literally can't argue, and he actually _doesn't_ mind when his head's between Roxy's thighs.

\---

When Roxy's at his place, or when he's at Roxy's, or if they're even in another damned country, they lie side by side; her head on his bicep, his chin on the top of her head. It's all the same.

It's 'cause they need each other, whether they'd like to admit it or not. And not in some fucked up, co-dependent way; more in the way that if either of them was driven into an abandoned warehouse in Beijing or shoved into a car trunk in New York, _well_. Who else was there?

 _Who else would possibly come close to understanding_ , Roxy told herself. She didn't like feeling sheltered or protected, because it came hand in hand with helplessness. Every ex-boyfriend she's ever had would agree. And Eggsy understood, and that's how they balance each other out.

He's there to catch her when she (rarely) falls, and that's a feeling she wouldn't trade for the world.


End file.
